Written on 11/16/20 by Sidi Naajee
I thought I had it all under control!
Until a house anniversary knocked
On my mind's door, a deluge of "what ifs",
Of missed opportunities, of more pleasures,
I could have showered my baby with, slammed
Me so hard against the walls of the dam of new
Realities, new normals, new times of sorrow!
I thought I had it all under control!
Until our 34th wedding anniversary
Followed days later and the flow
Of sadness came at the heels of the
Ebb of regret for not doing enough
To free my Sweety from the shackles
Of cancer, the fangs of pain, the
Bitterness of malady and side effects!
I thought I had it all under control!
Until her birthday rang its hollow bell.
No candles to be lit today!
My baby,
The mother of my babies, her very
Candle lost its wick, all melted in
The world of eternal silence!
I thought I had it all under control!
But I fully resign myself to accepting
That the hole in the heart is here to
Stay, the jolts to the rational brain
Are forever going to trigger tremors
In the sediments of many years of
Lasting sweet memories, full of
Imaginable and unimaginable events,
Experiences, and exchanges of our
Forever intermingled, intertwined souls!
I thought I had it all under control! *
Until Mother's Day sprang upon us.
No wishes to be gifted and no gifts to be shared,
No messages to be sent and hollowed hearts abound,
The mother of all mothers left the mothership
To an uncaptained crew lost in the shears of sorrow,
The tears of grief, longing, loss, and unspeakable void!
I thought I had it all under control!
Until the first Ramadhan without my fasting twin came
And the first Eid, without the most Eidful of ladies, dawned
The mind had to wrestle with the inevitable,
The soul had to swallow the pill of bitter
Reality; my lady (RhA), my woman
Is waiting for me, for us, for all
Humanity in heaven, in Eden
In a realm where love
Never withers
And peace
Never
Dies!
RaHimaki Allah (RIP) ya ummal banini wal banaat!
* These and what follows it were continued and added on 05/14/21
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